Letter to mom

Dear mom, I can't believe it's been three years since you've gone. So much as happened, so much has changed. There's so much I wish I could tell you. And I mean in person, not just speaking and not knowing if you're really listening. I mean I know you can hear me, but still not the same. I want to tell you how much our lives have changed and how much we've been through. I want to tell you all about my children, and how much they've grown. How much you would love them, how much fun they are. I can't believe I have children, and you're not here to see them grow. How silly they are, and how loving they are. I would tell you all about Randy beating cancer, and how hard it was as a mom of two small children to go through that, all over again. I would tell you that sometimes they get into stuff and it just drives me bonkers. I wish I could call you and find out how you would handle it. Because sometimes I still need that! I miss that. I miss you so much, and think about you often. I try to remind Jillian as much as I can about her GG. I don't know how much she remembers but it seems like she does remember some. And that makes me happy! I would tell you that Jillian is going to be a kindergartner this fall. And I would express to you how scared and how happy I am all at the same time. It brings tears to my eyes. I can't believe my little girl is going to be in big girl school. I know she'll do fine, she may have a couple of rough days at the beginning. But I know she'll be fine!
Mom I would also tell you that Jordan and I are as close as ever. I know that would make you happy! We hang out all the time, we do everything together and I love that we can do everything together. Our boys think they're brothers! We still go to church mom, and participate and do what we can! We want to raise our children in church mom, just like you did with us!

Dad has remarried, and this time it's for the best. It's hard to tell you that, but I think you would be happy. For him, and for us. She really is a wonderful woman mom! She's smart, beautiful inside and out and loves us. Mom, she treats us like we're her own. And I know that's all you would've ever wanted. It's nice to have her around, and she's there when we need her. But most of all daddy's happy again.

To say I miss you mom would be an understatement. Words can't even express the way that I feel. I love you so much, and I wish you were still here. But I know that you're in a better place, and pain-free. The cancer is gone, and I couldn't wish for anything more. Part of me is still selfish though, I wish you were here with me!

Oh how our lives have changed. How different it is without you. People say I'm strong but I don't always feel that way. I just take it day by day and thank the Lord I have what I have. And I know I have you as my Angel in Heaven now. Watching over me and my family, going through our day to day lives. God's plan. Sometimes not what we expect but I know it's his plan. Someday we'll meet again, and it'll be a glorious day! But until then Mom, I miss you and Love you very much!

Love,
Carissa